Saturday, 20 October 2012

My children

Morning lovelies!

Well I'm writing this at 4am.  the house is all quite and I'm able to ponder my thoughts?  Good thing or bad thing?  Not sure!  I have been thinking a lot lately about family.  In particular my family.  My children are very important to me and then through them my Grandchildren.  My three boys and my little Princess.
We still have two living at home and  at 17 and 6 years this can some times be a struggle as we only have two bedrooms and they are different genders.  My other two elder boys both live with their families.  One in the same town and the other the next town along.  I miss the times when they were small and we all lived together.  one of our favourite things to do was snuggle up under the duvets in the lounge and watch a Dvd.  We would "camp out" for the night in there.  I can remember once when we had a house with a open fire, we had toast and marsh mellows made on the fire.  Drunk with mugs of tea the world seemed perfect just then.

There are times that I see them say or do things with their own children and I think "yes that's one of the things we would have done"  and it makes me smile.
I have also acquired two young ladies as daughters.  This has blessed my life in many ways (not least the grandchildren).  They are both lovely ladies who love my boys are care for them in the best way they know how.  The boys seem happy with their lives and settled with their families.
My Grandchildren make me smile everyday.  The girls are close in age but have very different personalities, one very boisterous and forthright, the other a  little more reserved and thoughtful.  My grandson continues to thrive well and is developing a personality of his own.  He recognises us when he sees us and has a lovely beaming smile!
 All my children are fit and healthy and I have a lot to be thankful to God for.

Wednesday, 17 October 2012

The loss of a baby

I have struggled writing this and I have rewritten it on many occasions  (In fact this has been in my drafts since July 10) but I feel it is something that I must write about. The recent wave of light on Monday night where people who had suffered baby loss or been effected by it, lit a candle and put the picture on face book, has staggered me as to how many people are effected by it.  I cried more than one tear that night.  It touched me deeply when my sister lit one in support of us.  You never know just who is thinking of you and your lost babies.

Losing a baby is a terrible thing.  Whether as a Miscarriage, still birth, difficulties at birth, cot death or the many other ways it can happen.  Its a difficult thing to talk about and people still find it difficult to react and talk to people who have suffered about it.  We have Lost six babies,  so we know the pain and heart break it brings with it.  But when someone close to us lost a child we also found it difficult to talk to the couple involved.  I was really annoyed with myself because I didn't know how to react!

When we meet with people who have lost a child there is no perfect way to react.  No sure fire way to ease their suffering or make things easier for them.  The reality is you cant and it would be pointless  and possibly damaging to try and bandage the situation. After much thought, prayer and consideration these are my thoughts on the matter. 

        1.  Firstly don't pretend it didn't happen 
The couple will be deep in their own grief.  No matter when they have lost their child (early miscarriage or further along)  plans will have been made for He/she.  How they will fit in the family, where they will sleep, will mummy give up work, how will the baby be cared for etc.  Things will have been bought and stored away in preparation for the happy event.  The couple wont want to brush it all under the carpet and forget that the baby was a part of their lives.

2. Don't be afraid to mention it
Many people are afraid to mention it.  They maybe afraid to  make matters worse or to make the couple upset.  Crying is natures way of healing. It helps, that's why when we hurt, we cry.  Its OK to ask how they are feeling, how they are coping.  If they start to cry don't worry,  its not your fault, it was something they needed to do,  part of the healing process and something they need to do.

3.  Don't keep your own children away (although do be thoughtful and make each decision based on the situation)
  A week after we lost our first baby my sister-in-law gave birth to our Nephew.  We had always had a close relationship and saw her and my Brother mostly everyday as we lived in the same street.   When she had their baby she was afraid to come to see us, afraid she would be "rubbing it in"  That she would make our grief worse.  In the end My husband and I had to go and visit them.
We explained that we shared in their joy at their new arrival and rejoiced in the new addition to our family.  That their little boy was not ours.  As beautiful as he was, he was our Nephew and not our child.  We were pleased for them but still grieved for our child.  As I said judge each situation.  If necessary phone and ask before you visit.

4. Don't be surprised if they laugh and smile when you are there
This seems a strange one.  We had a situation where someone visited our house and we were in a "good mood".  (in other words we weren't in floods of tears and managed to hold a conversation) The visitors then later commented to my mother how we were coping and had "got over it well"
This couldn't have been further from the truth.  We were pleased to see the person, pleased to have a excuse to smile and talk about something other than our grief.  But we were still grieving,  inside we trying desperately to hold it together, to make it through the day and still be in one piece.  Just because you smile doesn't mean you have forgotten.

5. If they have other children don't assume the loss will be less

Just because a couple have a child or children already doesn't mean that they will feel the loss any less. We already had four children, Three of mine and one of my husbands, but the loss was as devastating each time as if we had no other children.
  Each child is unique and loved by its parents.  Each child and experience is unique and they will feel the loss no matter how many children they have

6. The biggest no no EVER
The thing that really hurt and we found hard to cope with was people saying things like, "it was meant to be"  Its for the best"  or as one good meaning doctor said,  "you are still young enough to try again!"

 Please remember that these are just my thoughts and feelings and not a professional opinion.  if you are looking for professional help please contact a person trained in this area.  There is a list below.


Sunday, 14 October 2012

Bodget and Scarper Builders!

 Mr CM and Son 3 decided to give Princesses bedroom a make over!   So after a lot of Grunting Groaning, tea breaks and moaning!  It is done!  We have a very happy Princess and a very pink bedroom!

Friday, 12 October 2012

progress on my little Grandson.

Hello everyone just a little update on my grnadson. Born six weeks early in My. He was extremely poorly you may remember. well......... look at him now!

 Hes such a little lovie.  All the worries surrounding his birth have now gone and hes a healthy and happy little Bubba!

Wednesday, 10 October 2012

And so im a little late! Jar of love swap!

OK so I should have been back at the beginning of September but I kinda overlapped my summer!.
Because i have so much to post I will break it down into different Posts so I'm not waffling on!

 I had a great summer filled with Family, fun and frolics.  (well not frolics but i couldn't think of another F !)
I spent a lot of time with family.  My own and my big extended family.  Its funny but over the last couple of years i have got to know my siblings in a way I never did before.  now we are all grown with families of our own the dimensions change and we become different people.  If we are not careful and don't make a conscious effort to be together we start to drift in different directions.  I don't want this to happen with us.  One of the plus sides with a big family is that our children have a friend to play with!  This summer we never went more than a couple of days with out having one of the cousins for a sleep over.  With 38 of them there are plenty of them to choose from! We also had four children's birthday parties to send Princesses to so all in all I think she has had a enjoyable if rather busy summer!

I recently took part in the Jar of love swap hosted by katie  I was paired up with helen .  She send me some lovely things, so lovely in fact that Princess ran off with most of them!   Thank you Helen they were great gifts!

 Unfortunately my parcel I sent her was "lost" in the post!  Grrrrrrrr I was so disappointed as I had sent her some beautiful things.  So this is a couple of photos of Jar Number 2!  I Hope she liked my offerings!

Well time to pop off now.  bye bye for now!